Run or be tortured

If you ever befriend or date a narcissist, run or prepare to be tortured.

It’s often unlikely that such a person would be able to hide their initial charm and chumminess for long, particularly as he or she begins to leech off your self worth to compensate for his or her lack of self-worth.

Simply put, narcs are parasites and there can be no mutual benefit from being with one. If you decide to stay in any kind of relationship with one, prepare to be tortured.

Two things about heartbreaks

You only feel a heartbreak if you loved. The more you loved, the bigger the heartbreak. And this is great.

The difficult aspect of dealing with a heartbreak, particularly with the pain of abandonment or rejection, which can be physical, is that you’ll need to also heal physically.

Much of the pain you feel might require you to surround yourself with people who love you, like friends and family. If you are a hugger, ask for hugs. Use this as a positive reinforcement against the feelings of rejection that memories of your broken relationship might trigger.

Heartbreak response

A heartbreak is trauma and in almost every circumstance, traumas need to be dealt with, not ignored.

Dealing with heartbreak might simply mean acknowledging the unsettling aspects of being vulnerable with someone with whom you shouldn’t have been vulnerable; for whom the pain you are feeling should not really matter.

On the whole, a heartbreak can also be an opportunity to acknowledge your own failings in the relationship now passed, and work to fix them, not necessarily for the next person, but for yourself.

Plough through

When initial motivation to complete a task dissipates, and the feeling of quitting sets in, resist.

It’s normal for things to get difficult particularly if it’s a worthy goal.

No one becomes a success at anything without pain or paying a price. So plough through.

Think

Simple as it may sound, the solution to your most pressing problem right now is a thought away.

Think.

Take time off your phone or any other distractions and just ponder a way out of that problem. The best way to think effectively is to right out the solutions that come to your mind on a piece of paper. Do it now.

Stay yourself

Very often, people like to fit into moulds based on the expectations of others.

For instance, a new parent might give up a profitable or healthy hobby for the sake of parenting on the assumptions that being a parent requires him or her to fit into society’s frame of who a parent should be.

Alternatively, newlyweds might quit certain individual pursuits—like getting an advanced degree—for the sake of their marriage, cognizant of the new expectations society puts on them like borrowing to buy a house.

The danger of being inauthentic because of other people’s expectations is you will lose your self-respect and the respect of others, eventually. Stay yourself.

The danger of having nothing to lose

Think for a moment, there’s always something to gain or lose with every decision.

The danger, however, is not thinking of not losing anything when you make a choice. It is the most dangerous place to be in the world.

The overconfidence of having nothing to lose is why many people, startups or social movements fail. There’s always something to lose.

Sacrificing

Sacrificing pieces is a the best way out of a tight corner.

It works in life just as in a game of chess.

If you are somehow hemmed in, whether in a debt, a mugging or some booby trap, think about sacrificing. There’s always a piece to give.